


(not) forgiveness

by RosieLeeYee



Category: Original Work
Genre: Forgiveness, laps lock, non explicit reference to abuse, poem, righteous anger, themes of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieLeeYee/pseuds/RosieLeeYee
Summary: it has never been about forgiveness(not the kind assumedthe kind that grateswears at the skin and mindanother self bound manaclenoit has never been about forgiveness)
Kudos: 3





	(not) forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> the formatting is a little odd, the specific spacing i used to write it originally not possible

it’s never been about forgiveness

never been about

  
warm smiles  
gentle words  
a kindly manner

in the face of

adversity ?

(you weren't supposed to be the villain  
you _weren't_  
you decide your own story  
you choose the role you play in mine  
you _chose_  
i will _never_ be responsible for that )

i'm

  
sorry  
angry  
(un) forgiving

_(it was never about me)_

it was

hard  
scary  
(terrifying)

 _Everything_ i knew was a lie

you blame me  
you don't say  
you don't need to

i have lost

my brothers  
my home  
(my self)

(have you ever lain awake  
heart pounding  
face ashen  
seeing  
hearing  
smelling  
existing  
in a place other than where you are?  
when you are?

where did i go?  
that little girl  
sweet and kind  
angry  
she disappeared

where did she go?  
i did not see her leave  
i did not see her go  
where did she go?

the how is easy  
quiet  
gentle  
the easy give always expected  
they did not expect it

(they do not care  
for the consequences of their actions

the sins of the father are reflective  
in the response of their children

she stopped responding)

i saw worlds and universes and galaxies

  
faces

  
kind  
gentle  
caring

  
scary  
dark  
shadowed

i used to take solace in the dark  
you _took_ that from me

_you will never take anything from me again_

have you ever lain awake  
feeling guilty?  
ashamed?  
i don't expect you to have)

there is this, now  
an enthusiastic hello  
a loving goodbye  
a question  
an answer

listening  
caring  
(they hear my response  
you would not hear my question)

and i am  
warm  
safe  
loved  
happy

  
at times  
sad  
scared  
overwhelmed

  
it is all  
accepted  
allowed  
 _me_

it is not about forgiveness  
it never has been  
(it never will be)  
not of the sort you think

it was never about you

i forgive myself

( _This_ is what it is about

  
smiles  
gentle  
unforgiving  
relentless

  
friends  
teasing  
bright  
flawed

  
family  
how was your days  
dinner around a table  
laughter,  
jokes  
(don't you see?)  
cooking and games and music and _laughter_

(forgive me for the repetition, i can't believe it at times

actually

forgive what you like  
i will relish in laughter and love  
a life i should have always known)

and me

i am  
as i have always been  
more  
 _growing_

belief and trust and finicky things  
i expect neither  
i expect nothing

(i will ask nothing of you)

it was never about forgiveness  
of others, at least  
i forgive myself  
of mistakes real and imagined

(this is what it is about)


End file.
